Thursday, October 21, 2010

Imperfect

I'm moving away from the whole design / decor thing for a day. Today there's something a little different I want to write about.

Following Brittany's post yesterday, I stumbled across numerous other bloggers who have recently posted on the topic of perfection. The main idea being that all too often, the blogs that we read (and write) tend to create this false idea that we ourselves, and our lives are perfect. I, of course, think that it's important to have a way to escape every once in a while, and for many of us, we find that in blogging, but sometimes wearing this mask can get tiring, and often times stressful.

I posted the other week that I wasn't feeling quite like myself and I do believe that a lot of that had to do with me bottling up feelings and playing a part. It's a hard thing to keep on doing.

In the spirit of what some of the above bloggers have done, I thought I would put on my brave face for once and share some of my own imperfections with my readers. Afterall, sometimes it's nice to know you're not alone in your imperfections and struggles... am I right?

- I am the most indecisive person ever. Not just when it comes to design decisions, but when it comes to ALL decisions. I'm often surprised that B still puts up with me and my ever changing decisions regarding my life, career and yes, place of residence. I think I tell him something new everyday... and he STILL supports me. (I must say, I'm surprised and thrilled that I'm still as passionate about design/decor and blogging as I was over a year ago!) 

- I have a temper that I get from my father's side. I sometimes snap easily, and often get moody with B. Quite often, it's because I've bottled up other feelings, unsure of how to express them, and unfortunately I only feel safe letting them out inside of my own home. Sadly for B, he is the only person there and the worst of it falls on him. I'm always quick to apologize when I recognize I am doing this, and in an attempt to redeem myself, I always do my best to make up for my poor behaviour.

- I'm not a cook at ALL. I usually leave the cooking up to B, and surely don't help out as often as I should when it comes to this household chore. Why? I'm not creative or confident in the kitchen and need all the ingredients and a recipe in front of me to really get going. I'm also not very patient, and if it's a recipe that takes a lot of prep work and cooking time, for some reason I just can't handle it. Yet... baking, I can. Maybe it's because of my next imperfection...

- My horrible sweet tooth. I have very little will power when it comes to chocolate and baked goods. I'm working on it, and I do my best to avoid them... but if they're in front of me, it's next to impossible to say "No".

- Sometimes I worry to much about what people will think of me. This often results in me talking way too much (and I think people will find me annoying) or I just clam up (and then worry that everyone will think I am rude). It's really a big lose, lose situation, and afterwards I end up spending a few days worrying about what people think about me. The funny thing is, I actually worry a lot less than I used to... so that would be proof that I'm working to improve on this!

- I'm lazy. Period! I don't work out as often as I should, I'm sometimes slow on the house work, I procrastinate... and, well, you get the idea. Lazy.

- I often spend too much time worrying about the next step, rather than enjoying the moment. I worry if I'll ever make the long distance, overseas move that I have dreamed about since I was 19, and I worry about where I'm going with my career, and so on and so forth. I need to spend more time enjoying what I have (while still working towards what I want, of course).

To sum it up - my life is far from perfect, and I don't believe I try to pretend that it is when I blog. I'm often stressed out and tired between school, work, blogging and renovations, but I'm trying to follow my heart and doing the best I can day in and day out to make both myself, and B, happy. Of course, the two of us have our ups and downs. We're not a perfect couple by any means, and we work at our relationship... because relationships require work! However, at the end of every day when I can come home and tell him that I love him, and look at the not so perfect life we have created together, I am happy.

Our little family - Christmas 2009

When it comes down to it, I'm not looking for a perfect life. I'm looking for a life with B, filled with the people and things that we love. I know that there will be bumps, and disasters and heart break and all of the rest of the things that make life so imperfect - and I'm okay with that. I really just want to be happy...

Are any of my readers willing to open up and share some of their imperfections? In a comment or a post? If you write your own post, could you be so kind as to share a link? I'd love to get to know you all better... and these imperfections are all a part of what makes us who we are. Thanks for taking the time to get to know me a little better! :)

19 comments:

  1. Thanks so much for this honest post Kerry. You're so right about the blogging world. I think the whole "trying to be perfect" thing has become even more apparent for me since I have started reading blogs. You see all these incredible women, doing all these incredible things and making it work, but it's just not possible. Something has to give. And I'm feeling that, right now, with everything that I am taking on. Work is starting to slip and I find I am not spending as much time with my family as I did before. It's hard to balance everything.

    Thanks again for letting us into your life Kerry and giving another aspect to this crazy blogging world.

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  2. Wow, we must be the same person! Except I am more of a salty treats kind of girl. I've never met a bag of potato chips I didn't like :) I am so indecisive as well, cant stand having too many options, it drives me nuts! I have my dads temper and I am also a Gemini so I can turn from happy to bite your head off in 2 seconds. Don't even get me started on my worrying. I see the negative in everything first. Ugh. Lets just say we are perfectly imperfect!

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  3. Wow! You are brave... sharing your true self with all of us. You certianly have a lot on the go so don't beat yourself up if you don't get to all things done. What I've realized is that blogging takes time -- to research and build creative, inspiring posts takes time... Sorry, we didn't meet on Tuesday. Thanks for popping over to my blog often - I often read your blog... I will add you to my daily read blogroll.

    http://desire2decorate.blogspot.com/

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  4. I love love love your 5th bullet. I am exactly the same. Overly conscience of how people perceive me, which (for me) ends up in trying too hard. AKA I get ANNOYING. When I'm with close friends/family I am a normal human being, but put me around a crowd of near strangers and I get obnoxious. I try not to worry about it, but days later I am still thinking about how many times I made the same exact comment just to make sure everyone heard me say it. Not good.

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  5. Thank you all for the positive comments on this post! Makes me feel better about putting it all out there! :)

    @Amanada and @SteFay - also, thank you for being able to put some of your own imperfections out there & sharing with me! It feels nice to know we're not alone, doesn't it?

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  6. Thanks for sharing this...you're right about reading through blogs and thinking "wow how do they have a beautiful home and a great family and still have time to blog?!" There's something freeing about this post; the honesty is wonderful. It's good to know other people feel this way. I'm definitely with you on the whole think about the next step. Often, I can't eve focus in the present moment because there are so many other things I want to do, wish I could do and so on...This is a good idea...maybe I will do a short post on this topic (: You're great and I love your writing. Hope you have a fantastic day, Kerry!

    ~Michaela

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  7. I firmly believe there is no single blogger out there that is perfect & has it all...its all perception. Blogging can be misleading as it can let you focus on the fun stuff...while the ugly 'real-life' magically disappears while you're typing away. Anyway allow yourself to be happy. My imperfections? Eat WAY too much chocolate, can't remember the last time I excercized and focus too much on 'how busy I am' instead of just getting sh*t done. See? you are not alone. Sorry I missed you at the blogger show.

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  8. Aww, Kerry, I think everyone can totally relate. You are not alone!

    Sometimes it's so hard to find a balance. I come home at the end of the day and I'm tired (or lazy, usually both!) and don't have energy to do all things I want to do... make dinner, blog, read, clean my bathroom!! Confession: My bathroom seriously needs a good scrubbing right about now!

    It's all about finding a balance and sometimes it's okay to let things go and just watch some TV with the hubby!

    Maybe that should be my next blog post "Today I worked, watched TV, complained about "what's for dinner", wasted time on the internet and went to bed". Brilliant ;)

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  9. Kerry!

    We must be long lost siblings, because I can relate to practically all of your imperfections, I mean who can't! I struggle about career, life, love, family? everything basically!! I too, am indecisive, I actually suffer from social anxiety! No joke, so the whole S&C show was a huge hurdle for me, but I am so happy I went and got to meet all the lovely bloggers, like yourself!

    You know what I think I will do a similar post as this comment is getting long ;)

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  10. Great post Kerry, I am glad that you were inspired to write about this.

    I am sooo happy to see that everyone has the courage to put all their "imperfections" out there. Looking at all these blogs day after day they start to become the norm, and we start to look down at what we have.

    {I am right onside with you about the sweet tooth, the laziness and the caring too much about what other people think.}

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  11. Kerry,
    I can definitely relate. Nice to know that you bloggers are "normal" people just like me. I adore reading many of these design blogs from you ladies (some of which posted comments on your blog). I would love to blog also, just because I love to write and am the kind of person who expresses well in written words. I always think it would be just one more thing to do, more stress, that's all I need. You have shown me that it's something you truly love doing and enjoy it...not so much a task, but an outlet (hope this makes sense)...not to say I am ready to blog, but reading your blog (and many others) is relaxing...thank you for the glimpse into your lives...keep up the good work/blog!!
    Anabela (faithful blog(s) reader)

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  12. @Designwali - thank you so much! I agree - it's all about being happy! :) I do wish we had, had the chance to meet @ the show - but hopefully another time! :)

    @Christine - your comment truly made me smile! My bathroom could also use a good scrub... and I really want to read your post when you post about a typical day! haha

    @Liz - I'm so glad you overcame that hurdle and came to the show! You're just as sweet in person as you are through your blog, comments & the emails we have exchanged!

    @Brittany - Thank YOU for the inspiration to write this. It's been a long time coming I think, you just got me here more quickly! :)

    @Anabela - Thank you so much for your comment, and for reading! I'm glad that my blog, and others, can provide you with that little bit of escape from every day stresses! :)

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  13. When someone puts you on a pedestal, the only way to go is down. Don't ever let people think you're perfect. I recently had an epiphany with my bf about why I was upset about something. You've inspired me to blog about it. I will send you a link when it's up. Keep being you. It's the greatest gift you can give us xo

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  14. Great post Kerry. Blogging does tend to paint everything with a silver lining so I really appreciate it when a blogger writes an honest post and reveals more of their true self. That's a tough thing to do! Thanks for sharing. This imperfect post was perfect.

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  15. Great post, Kerry. Shannon Fitz had mentioned to me what a great job you did with this post and she is right. It;s true that sometimes everything seems to be perfect in the blogosphere, but really, us "bloggers" are just normal people with normal problems too.

    I think my list of imperfections would go on for more than just a single blog post :) I feel the same way about meeting new people - I am very uncomfortable in new social situations. I feel like I cannot be myself with strangers (And constantly worry about how I'm being perceived by others). I think this is something that most people are concerned about...a lot more than I thought judging by the comments here.

    Cheers to you for putting yourself out there and being vulnerable in front of so many people (who obviously think you're great just the same)!

    *Tania

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  16. Kerry thanks for sharing, very brave move! As I was reading, I felt like you were writing about me! Enjoy your life!

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